Interpersonal Interactions

Comfort with different types of touch varies from person to person and situation to situation. Setting guidelines that outline how to approach these differences can support respectful interpersonal engagements within your organization. We must make every effort so that people feel safe and comfortable with the physical touch they experience in our workplaces and communal spaces, creating environments where people can move freely, without avoiding certain people or situations just to feel at ease in their own bodies. 

The goal is to balance warmth with respect for bodily autonomy and differing comfort levels. When someone is in a vulnerable situation or interacting across a power dynamic, any physical touch can carry risks that the person may feel uncomfortable but not know how to say so. To reduce this risk, you can use safeguards to check yourself before offering or initiating touch. Not all safeguards will apply in every situation, but the more vulnerable a situation, the more safeguards you should put in place. As a general rule, your guidelines should support physical touch that meets at least two or more of the following safeguards:

• Necessary: You need to touch the other person to complete a task or effectively help them. For example, you’re offering a steady hand to a community member who appears to be struggling to get out of the swimming pool.
• Consensual: Both people agree to the interaction. You’ve asked for verbal permission (i.e., “can I give you a hug?”) or nonverbal permission (i.e., extending a hand to shake) and waited for the other person to accept or decline before touching them.
• Relevant: You’re offering a touch that makes sense to the situation you find yourself in. For example, it may be appropriate to offer a hug  to a committee member after a disheartening meeting, but would not be appropriate to offer a backrub.
• Customary: You’re offering touch that is consistent with the cultural and religious norms of the community or individual. For example, shaking hands in greeting might be customary in a workplace, but if you’re interacting with someone who observes laws of shomer negiah, where people across genders don’t touch, you should be mindful of that when considering shaking hands around the room.
• Inclusive: You’re offering touch that supports the atmosphere you want to create in the room. For example, if your board retreat includes high fives around the room to celebrate achieving a recent goal, the newest member should be invited to join or opt out so they still feel a sense of belonging.

Your guidelines on physical contact should answer these questions for those in your organization:

• What kind of atmosphere do we want to create around personal interaction—warm, respectful, welcoming? What are the concrete ways we can create that atmosphere?

• Are there restrictions on who can make physical contact with whom in our organization? Are there limits on when physical contact would and would not be permitted?
  
• Are there traditions within our organization that typically include physical contact? How will we build in opportunities to opt in or out?

Communication carries power: through our tone, word choice, timing, and setting choices, we can make others comfortable in our organizations. Similar to physical contact, the goal of communication guidelines is to balance warmth with respect for personal boundaries and differing levels of comfort. Healthy communication uses a caring, supportive tone and intentional word choices. It respects privacy, offers feedback that is growth-oriented, and encourages reflection or confidence. Before speaking, we ask ourselves: Am I giving this feedback to help someone grow or to shame them? Am I debating to strengthen the community’s work or to elevate myself? Professional boundaries matter, too. Communication should include safeguards to ensure all communications are in appropriate settings, at appropriate times, and on appropriate topics. Your guidelines on communication should support interactions that meet at least two or more of the following safeguards:

• Necessary: Communication is essential to accomplish a task or maintain a relationship in an appropriate and timely manner. For example, supervisors providing performance feedback should send an email rather than initiating late-night texts. 
• Consensual: Both parties agree to the form and timing of communication. For example, you ask, “Is it okay if I text you about scheduling, or do you prefer email?” or check if someone is open to discussing a sensitive topic before launching into it.
• Relevant: Communication should reflect the timing, context, and purpose at hand. When reaching out for business, individuals should keep the focus on the matter being addressed and reserve personal conversation for the right setting. While it is natural to share parts of our lives with one another, guidelines around personal sharing can be articulated in a way that doesn’t create discomfort or cross boundaries. Whenever possible, organizations should use monitored accounts rather than personal ones and communicate during agreed-upon working hours. 
• Customary: The communication style aligns with the professional, cultural, or organizational norms of the community, such as using formal language in an official report versus casual slang in a team group chat or respecting cultural/religious norms about not contacting people during holidays or on Shabbat.
• Inclusive: The communication style and channel support people with different needs, access levels, or identities’ full participation. This might include sharing typed notes after a meeting for those who couldn’t attend or always defining Hebrew terms when they are used.

Your guidelines on communication should answer these questions for those in your organization:

• What tone should communications within our organization take? Are there words or styles of communicating that would not be acceptable within our organization? 
• Are there topics that are off limits for conversation within our organization?
• Are there restrictions on when communication is appropriate and when it is not? (e.g., no late-night texts; avoid personal channels for work matters)
• Are there modes of communication people should use for specific purposes? (i.e., use email for project communications; call in case of a last-minute emergency)
• Are there restrictions on who can initiate communication with whom in our organization? (e.g., staff with youth, board with staff, funders with volunteers)

Gifts can be a meaningful way to honor milestones, celebrate achievements, and mark simachot (joyous occasions). At the same time, if we are not intentional, gift-giving can complicate relationships. A gift may unintentionally shift a power dynamic, create the appearance of favoritism, or leave others feeling overlooked or undervalued. Organizations can foster a culture of appreciation by developing clear guidelines that outline what kinds of gifts support the community they want to create and which gifts should not be given or accepted. Such guidelines support consistent, equitable, and values-driven gestures of appreciation.

Your guidelines on gift-giving should answer these questions for those in your organization:

• How can the organization give gifts for similar milestones (such as volunteer appreciation, staff anniversaries, or bereavement support) that are consistent in type and value?
• What criteria will determine which occasions or milestones warrant recognition through gifts?
• Should gifts be given by the organization as a whole rather than by individual staff members or supervisors to reduce the risk of favoritism? When is it more appropriate for a group of colleagues to give a gift together rather than individually?
• Are there boundaries around giving gifts to supervisors, leadership, or funders so that appreciation is expressed without creating pressure or compromising professional roles?

By setting shared expectations, organizations can create a culture where gift-giving strengthens relationships and honors contributions equitably.

Traveling on behalf of a Jewish organization, whether to meet with partners and clients or attend a conference, can be one of the most memorable parts of our communal lives. At the same time, travel introduces vulnerabilities that can put people at risk if not thoughtfully addressed. Travel guidelines can supplement any existing travel policy you may have to support the safety of all individuals traveling to or on behalf of your organization. 

Some of the common risk factors during travel include:

• Sleeping and undressing (room sharing, states of nudity, vulnerability while sleeping)
• Use of alcohol or other substances at galas, receptions, kiddushim (Shabbat receptions), or happy hours
• Unfamiliar environments where help may be less accessible
• Isolation in settings like hotel rooms, private homes, or other out-of-sight locations
• Financial inequity

By anticipating these risks and putting safeguards in place, organizations can make travel both safe and meaningful for all participants. As a general rule, your travel guidelines should support interactions that meet at least two or more of the following safeguards:

• Visible: When others can observe interactions, there are fewer opportunities for boundary-crossing, and it becomes easier for people to seek support if they feel uncomfortable. For example, encourage meetings in public spaces whenever possible, and prohibit private meetings in hotel rooms or other intimate settings. 
• Consensual: People should never feel pressured into arrangements that compromise their comfort or safety. Providing genuine choice respects autonomy and helps balance power in vulnerable contexts like sleeping and undressing. For example, prioritize single rooms whenever possible, but if single rooms aren’t available or affordable, give travelers the choice to share with a peer (no power difference) or cover the difference for their own private room.
• Inclusive: Travel policies should not disadvantage people with fewer financial resources or create undue hardship. For example, offer flexible options for covering travel expenses (e.g., advance payments, direct billing, or reimbursement) so no one is financially strained by having to cover large costs.

Your guidelines on travel should answer these questions for those in your organization:

• How can we ensure that travel arrangements (room sharing, meeting spaces, meals) don’t expose people to undue vulnerability or pressure?
• What safeguards can prevent power imbalances from being intensified while traveling?
• How can financial policies (e.g., reimbursements, stipends, direct payments) reduce stress or inequity for travelers?
• What norms do we want to set around alcohol, bringing spouses/children, professionalism, and boundaries while traveling as representatives of the organization?